How good of a tennis player is Andy Roddick?

Well, he beat a dude with a frying pan once. And if you follow the rules of this ESPN.com contest, you too can have the chance to be humiliated by Roddick and his cooking utensil.

If we may, TSC has some ideas along the same line of anchoring down a professional athlete with a “tool” outside of traditional sports, setting him up against Joe Schmoe and, in turn, absolutely making Joe feel like the most worthless piece of shit on Earth if the athlete wins.

1. Home run derby against future home run king Alex Rodriguez where he must use a 2×4 piece of wood. But knowing A-Rod, he’ll just skip the event so he won’t screw up his swing.

2. Play a game of horse against LeBron James, but he must use a watermelon instead of a basketball. Hopefully the watermelon doesn’t give the King a boner.

3. Have an ice-skating race against Alexander Ovechkin: first one to skate from one goal to the other and back five times wins. Only Ovechkin will be wearing Crocs.

4. Try to hit a drive farther than Tiger Woods. His club is covered in baby oil. Yuck.

5. Go head to head against Joey Chestnut, the 2007 Nathan’s Hot Dog eating contest. Your advantage? His dogs are laced with laxatives.

Photo Courtesy ESPN