First, Pink Taco wanted naming rights to the Arizona Cardinal’s brand-new taco-looking stadium in Glendale. Now, in a related unintentional sexual taco reference, Shawn Johnson has endorsed her own on television:

I’m not sure there’s anybody with a pulse in the great city of Chicago without a deep, lifelong hatred of columnist Jay Mariotti — especially after his former paper, the Chicago Sun-Times, published an assortment of anti-Mariotti emails in today’s edition. 

The Sun-Times did what any journalist with a mission does: printed the quotes that painted the entire story. 

Observe the less-than-subdued celebration: 

“This just might be one of the happiest days of my life, next to my wedding day, the birth of my child and watching the Sox win the World Series. Hey, Jay, Hawk Harrelson offered to pack your bags for you if you promise to leave town.”

Amen, Chicago. Put this on your resume for the IOC. A Mariotti-less city certainly deserves deeper consideration to host the Olympics. 

When Padres pitcher Chris Young took a line-drive to the nose off the bat of Albert Pujols, everyone cringed. The same thing with Nick Blackburn last June, Bryce Florie in 2000 and Fresno’s Tanner Scheppers in 2007.

We’ve just named a few. There are many, many more pitchers who have taken line drives to the face. And it’s never, ever funny.

Unless, of course, that batter is swinging with a garbage can and the pitcher’s tossing a yoga ball. At that point, when the comebacker strikes, it’s freaking hilarious!

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College football starts in a mere HOURS, so a quick roundup will have to do til then while we pregame . . .

• Jay Mariotti, please don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Douchebag. (AwfulAnnouncing)
• Michael Phelps: Olympian, eight-time gold metal winner, host of SNL. (Fanhouse)
• Shawne Merriman is a complete idiot. (SportingNewsBlog)

Can we just hurry this up? I wanna get out there on the beach, you know? Let’s have some fun, get the blades going.

(Via ZonerSports)

It’s hard for some to realize that the Madden football games are just that — video games. But some people take it way too seriously. Rappers Bow Wow and The Game are two perfect examples.

Rather than settling their differences by battling on the stage with a mic and a crowd, they’re going head to head by playing football against each other — Madden football. And on the line is $100 thousand. Yes, $100 grand over a fucking football video game.

[Read more →]

According this hoochi, Lisa Miceli, she’s the mother of Michael Jordan’s son. The 35-year-old was released from jail Friday after saying she would leave the greatest NBA baller alive.

She was jailed after she kept stalking MJ even after two DNA tests proved that he was the boy’s father. She said she’ll continue to fight to prove that MJ is the 4-year-old’s son, however, in hopes of sucking on the teet of Jordan’s bajillions of dollars.

Question for Jordan if he is in fact this kid’s pops: Why!?!?

You’re Michael Fucking JORDAN! This gal isn’t hideous but she’s got chubby cheeks, streaked hair and a slutty aurora.

Stay strong your royal airness. We’re sure this is just one of thousands of ho-bags who wishes you were their boo.

Nastia Liukin is officially an American idol. An Olympic gold medal will do that to an 18-year-old girl with a spread eagle like hers. 

That automatically qualifies her for the big screen, right? No, not the big screen of Buba’s Barbecue Sports Bar. The big screen of a movie theater. Nastia’s going to be in a new film called “Chalk it Up,” which sounds more to us like an instructional football video for 12-15 year olds.

The gymnast was in the 2006 movie “Stick It!” which sounds more to us like a porno flick that a gymnastics feature, but we’re not Ebert and Roeper. And we’re not about to watch it to find out if it was good or not.

The best response we can give to this is we’re not going to pay to watch any new movie just because there is an American Olympic medalist in it unless it’s Amanda Beard, Misty-May and Kerri together or Michael “Gills” Phelps. And maybe, just maybe Shawn Johnson as the Easter Bunny (she’s got big teeth. Cute, but big teeth.)