Maybe Michael Phelps should start at wide receiver

SAM CASSELL (-1) over The Glass Ceiling for Aliens Coaching in the NBA, because Danny Ainge just offered him an assistant position.

Fatass Detroit Pistons Fans (+9) over NORMAL SEASON TICKET PACKAGES, because apparently now the Pistons offer meal plans.

Playing Football Underwater (+SPEEDOS) over HURRICANE IKE CANCELLATIONS, because right now, the Texas Tech game is still on, and this is what their stadium looks like.

Shitting your pants (-8) over LINDA COHN, because the editor of Deadspin has no game with the ladies.

PRANK CALLERS (+4.5) over Pete Carroll, because it’s not that hard to access a media teleconference.

Kanye West (+3) over EXPENSIVE CAMERAS because that that don’t kill him, makes him stronger.