If you ask The Sports Culture what our religion was, we’d most likely tell you it was ESPN. But if you asked ESPN, you’d find out that the network is a Jew.

Nothing wrong with being Jewish; it’s simply an observation. But how do we know that ESPN is a Jew? MLB and ESPN moved the time of the Yankees-Red Sox game from 8 p.m. to 1 p.m. on Sept. 27, the eve of Yom Kippur, which is the most holy day for Jews.

OK, nothing wrong with that. You’re observing a religious holiday that affects a large amount of people. By moving the time of the ball game, you’re making it easier to profit from fans and viewers, while letting them meet their religious needs.

But just to prove our point that ESPN is a Jew, some of the best NBA games of the season are played on Christmas Day—the day Christ was born. The Heat-Knicks game and the Shaq-LeBron-Kobe smackdown aren’t going to change because ESPN and ABC (also a Jew) is worried about religion.

Bud Selig is Jewish. David Stern is Jewish. ESPN and ABC are Jewish, along with the MLB. Now we know why they’re all doing well in this rough economy!