Michael Fitzpatrick, the sports editor of The Red and Black — the student newspaper for the University of Georgia — voted Georgia No. 2 in the UWIRE preseason football poll and picked Ohio State No. 1 in the nation. This is a shocker for two reasons: one, he attends Georgia and two, he was virtually the only person in the Milky Way to place Georgia in any spot besides the No. 1 spot. OK, he wasn’t completely alone, but you get the point.

Now, we know Fitz very well. A little too well, actually. We love to give him a hard time and tease him about the fact that he’s attended seven different schools in as many years and that his hair looks like an animal sitting on his head at times. And now we’ve got a buddy (Adam from UWIRE) to help treat Fitz like a human punching bag.

UWIRE — the college version of the Associated Press — has jumped on the Fitz bandwagon to question why he does what he does. Listen closely to the conversation. The UWIRE host takes a few jabs at Fitz, implying that he won’t have any sexual relations with any females during his tenure at UGA, which will last two semesters so that he can keep alive his trend of being an educational whore/transient.

• Only Fitz would be put on the national spotlight like this for being a traitor/goofball.
• Only Fitz would would be shown inside of the Arizona State men’s basketball media guide as a Sun Devils fan the year that he transferred to Arizona.
• Only Fitz would be shown giving the peace sign on ASU’s freshman welcome Web page the same year he switched from the Devils to the Wildcats.
• Only Fitz would be questioned by a UGA gymnast as to why he’s wearing a University of Arizona Gymcats shirt.
• Only Fitz would yell SCOOOOOOORE for five seconds.
• Only Fitz would play an air-trumpet during James Brown’s “I Feel Good” at a hockey game.
• Only Fitz would fall on his roller blades in front of a cop on the way to get a burger. (He should watch this video next time he decides he wants to get the blades going.)
• Only Fitz would drive a car in which nothing on the dash works.
• Only Fitz would be worth making this much fun of.

We can guarantee, however, that there are new Phelps Phans that the swimmer wouldn’t touch with a 10-foot poll. This Ms. Piggy look-alike is a good example. What a jewel.

But to answer your question, Ms. Piggy: No, Phelps is not gay. You haven’t seen him with a woman because the only time you’ve seen him in your life is in the past week-and-a-half because you turned on the television (surprise) instead of walking your fat ass on a treadmill and you wanted to tune into what the rest of the world was witnessing.

While you were suffocating your couch you noticed that he’s not with a girl. Strange, since he’s in another country and his schedule revolves around swimming, drug tests and talking to the media. But you wouldn’t know that because you’re crunching of Cheetos is too loud for you to hear the television and you think that every show is a reality show.

Then you move onto other events, Ms. Piggy. You say you were very young and skinny when you were 16. That means that you’re probably 84 years old or so because you haven’t been skinny in a long ass time. At 2:54 in this video, I’m glad you finally spoke the truth: “I’m so fat, you know.”

Though it’s a strain to watch Ms. Piggy flap her mouth for a little under six minutes, if you make it to the end of this terrible video, you can finally answer the question you’ve been asking since she questioned Phelps’ manhood: What the fuck is this chick on?

Answer: Weed, the munchies magnet. Just what you need, Ms. Piggy, more food.

via Barstool Sports

This dude put his wife up for trade on Craigslist. We understand it was a huge year for the Boston Celtics, but even TSC’s Boston-based writer B-Roy wouldn’t lend his wife’s cookie to a stranger for two-and-a-half hours of watching sweaty men run up and down the floor. (No worries, ladies, B-Roy isn’t married. It was just an example).

Take note that this man requested TWO (2) tickets. He’s giving up Sweet Lady Vagina for them. So he’s either got a super model friend who really digs the Celtics or he’s got a boyfriend who really digs the Celtics.

What do you think was going through Mrs. Snach-for-Rent when she saw this post or when he told her?

Dumbass Husband: Uhh, baby. I hope you understand that even though we vowed we’d be together forever, for better or for worse, I’ve traded your sweet vag for a pair of Celtics tickets. Love ya.

Supposedly Hot Wife: Wow. I hope you like dick. You’re truly homosexual.

Or maybe he didn’t even tell her, which makes him a complete assbag.

I hope this guy did end up getting tickets in exchange for his wife’s cooter and God willing she was hot. And I hope the guy who traded the tickets was a porn stud who took her on the BangBros bus and ripped her apart with three other guys. Then hopefully Homo Husband got onto the Internet and started looking at porn because he’s so lonely now that his wife hasn’t been home in eight days.

Then he’d see multiple videos on the Web, feel absolutely moronic for trading his supposedly hot wife in for an evening of entertainment from grown men.

That will teach you to play on the Internet, you dumbass.