And you thought the kids on the chess team were attention starved.

Turns out double dutch is going to be a recognized varsity sport in New York City.

Let’s go over some definitions first:

From Merriam-Webster: sport, noun
1 a: a source of diversion: Recreation. 1 b: sexual play. c (1) physical activity engaged in for pleasure (2) a particular activity (as an athletic game) so engaged in.

From Merriam-Webster: double Dutch, noun
1: unintelligible language
2: the jumping of two ropes rotating in opposite direction simultaneously

All right, so technically double dutch is a physical activity that some people do engage in for pleasure. But you know what? Some people also enjoy picking berries, climbing trees or rolling down a hill. Those are all physical activities that people may find pleasurable. Should we consider them sports?

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You go to the ball park to see a baseball game, right?

Nine against nine. One ball, one bat and three bases. Baseball is still America’s past time, isn’t it?

Apparently baseball is just a way to pass time at Major League stadiums. The real attraction these days are the gimmicks: The Bobbleheads, the Dodger Dog, the slide and the sausage race in Milwaukee and the rally monkey in Anaheim. And now in the Bronx, the new Yankee Stadium will have – get this – a Hard Rock Café.

Uh, did we miss something?

First of all, the best food at baseball games comes wrapped in foil or in a plastic container.

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Teenage superstar hottie Miley Cyrus was at the beach in Malibu yesterday to film scenes for her Disney show “Hannah Montana.” She danced, sung and rode on a surfboard carried by a bunch of guys.

But what she did that stood out the most is shake that body that men across America are waiting to turn 18. (Two years, four months and 12 days to be exact).

Cyrus touched herself while she danced, she shook that booty and she most certainly got the attention of one confused sports fan. Check out the dude in the background wearing a Denver basketball jersey and a New York Yankees cap.

This isn’t something this dude did on accident. The mugshot of him on his badge shows he’s wearing the Yankees lid.

There’s really not much beef between Denver and New York unless teams of the two cities are playing each other. The “rivalry,” if there is such a thing, is pretty tame. But it’s still not right.

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UPI

“People make a big deal, obviously, because it’s Tampa.”

– Derek Jeter on the Yankees’ series with Tampa Bay.

Being a professional athlete doesn’t always get you the ladies. The best way to be a poon magnet, apparently, is to wear the American pinstripes. Ryan Parker has created a masterpiece: