Instant analysis: Game 5

The Celtics’ “Point Guard by Committee” approach failed. Not even an And-1 Mixtape Tour could successfully platoon between four different players to run an offense. It just can’t.

And in honor of Doc’s point guard potpourri, here are my scattered thoughts on Game 5:

-THUMBS UP: The Celtics bench. No, no; not the 28 combined points, but the hollering, yelling and attempts at distracting Derek Fisher while he took wide open three pointers from the corner. (How can that not be a technical, when a few magic words incites an automatic “T”?) Regardless, their intensity remains unmatched — always standing and rowdy like a high school baseball third base coach — compared to the lifeless, deadbeat Lakers bench. At one point, it looked like James Posey reached his hands out for a block from the bench. But hey, if they’re not going to call Kobe’s reach on the Paul Pierce game-clinching steal, then why not be consistent?

-THUMBS UP SOMEONE ELSE’S ANUS (yeah that’s weird, but this is, too): The strangest halftime heart-warming one-on-one with Bill and Luke Walton. It just felt like that cheesy children show on PBS, reaching a moral after the way-too-obvious punchline question. In this case, Young Walton struck the mood by asking Daddy, “But you picked BOSTON??” William replied with the assurance “professional pick” line, then dropping a teary-eyed, obligatory, “but I love you so much, son” over-dramatized moment.

-THUMBS UP: Lamar Odom getting kneed in the balls. It’s like watching “Cops” or “America’s Most Wanted,” or the type of YouTube videos that rack up 1 million+ hits. You could watch it all day and never get sick of it. Like I’ve been saying for years, put an NBA simulcast on HBO, but instead of announcers, mic up all the players and coaches uncensored.

-THUMBS UP: Sam Cassell v. Sasha Vujacic in the early fourth quarter. Just an out-of-nowhere one-on-one battle (exactly like if Mars and Russia declared war against each other). Sasha attempted to throw Cassell down on a jump ball, but ended up looking foolishly abducted by Cassell’s Area 51 Crew, lying flat on the floor looking up to his green glow. Cassell (9 points) propelled the Celtics back into the game at that point by holding Sasha to just 2-for-10.

And all those missed shots just amplified the Opposing Fan Satisfaction Scale by +4 points, being the token pretty-white-boy-who-wears-a-headband-and-cries-a-lot douchebag. All together in the voice of Tommy Heinsohn: I! LOVE HATE! WALTAH SASHA!

-THUMBS DOWN: Not grabbing the loose ball at the end.

(Boston Globe Photo)