Dear Brandon,

Good luck making the transition. I once played a sport that my homeland loved, but chose to move across the pond for some extra dough. Fact is, they still don’t really care about my sport. Or about me. I probably wouldn’t advise this move, but oh well!

Sincerely,
David Beckham.

Call him a trendsetter; call him an idiot; even call him a word in a funny language we don’t understand. But America lost a prized prep school recruit to those crazy Europeans.

Rather than just playing college basketball like most gifted ballers, Arizona commit Brandon Jennings opted to play overseas yesterday — also indirectly strengthening his underlying support of taxation without representation.

But it’s no Tea party in T-town. Or is it? The debate whether Jennings would’ve revitalized basketball in Tucson goes on for now. Why? (*Que the Stewie Griffin voice*) Because, dammit, we are a free country with free speech! No more fireworks and Fourth of July parties for you, Mr. Jennings! No more Thanksgiving! Or In-N-Out burgers! Or people that actually care about sports that don’t begin with an S and end with OCCER!

Have fun watching EuroSPN or whatever floats over those ancient bloody airwaves. And remember, upon your return to Madison Square Garden for the second round of the 2009 NBA Draft, don’t forget your passport. Because Americans can travel without it!

WAZZAM! That. Just. Happened.

Stay strong, America.