You go to the ball park to see a baseball game, right?

Nine against nine. One ball, one bat and three bases. Baseball is still America’s past time, isn’t it?

Apparently baseball is just a way to pass time at Major League stadiums. The real attraction these days are the gimmicks: The Bobbleheads, the Dodger Dog, the slide and the sausage race in Milwaukee and the rally monkey in Anaheim. And now in the Bronx, the new Yankee Stadium will have – get this – a Hard Rock Café.

Uh, did we miss something?

First of all, the best food at baseball games comes wrapped in foil or in a plastic container.

Next, and most importantly, why do we go to baseball games? No, no, no. Let me rephrase that. Why do we supposedly go to baseball games? To watch baseball! What a weird concept.

Instead, you’re going to have a family of four who all wear A-Rod jerseys and call themselves fans just because they live in New York, but really all they know about A-Rod is that he is rumored to be banging Madona and, gosh Mom, these Hard Rock burgers are delish! What do you mean it’s the eighth inning already? Wait, how many innings are in a baseball game? Is baseball the game that LeBron James plays? I saw him wearing a Yankees cap once, too!

This sport is becoming too futuristic. Let’s go back to the days of Charlie Hustle, The Say Hey Kid, The Babe, Pat Darcy giving up the home run that Fisk waved fair in the 1975 world series. The list goes on.

Let’s just go back to baseball.