… that the average fan has seen on his television for the past 50 years.

Seriously, yesteryear’s obsolete non-HDTV junkyard bait can clearly determine whether a digitally-zoomed-in baseball is on the left or right side of the foul pole. Hell, even the drunkest of the drunks sitting on a barstool at your neighborhood watering hole has a better perspective than an umpire standing hundreds of feet away, fighting the bright stadium lights to follow a tiny white ball. (Exhibit A).

“We don’t need a lot of lead-up time,” said Bob DuPuy, MLB’s president.

Why the hell would you? MLB isn’t launching the Mission To Mars — it’s more like the Mission To Plug A Fucking Television Cable Into The Wall.

And while MLB advances into the modern day era, stadium security — if they don’t already — needs to implement instant replay to eject those douchebags behind home plate that waive to the camera with a cell phone glued to their ears.

Look, I’m a huge supporter of the token overly-hammered fan that shouts loud and obnoxious taunts which are only funny because he’s really drunk, but these front row bitches just need to stop. Quick. Four reasons. Now:

1. You’re not famous
2. You’re obnoxious
3. Everybody hates you in your section
4. Everybody hates you on television