According this hoochi, Lisa Miceli, she’s the mother of Michael Jordan’s son. The 35-year-old was released from jail Friday after saying she would leave the greatest NBA baller alive.

She was jailed after she kept stalking MJ even after two DNA tests proved that he was the boy’s father. She said she’ll continue to fight to prove that MJ is the 4-year-old’s son, however, in hopes of sucking on the teet of Jordan’s bajillions of dollars.

Question for Jordan if he is in fact this kid’s pops: Why!?!?

You’re Michael Fucking JORDAN! This gal isn’t hideous but she’s got chubby cheeks, streaked hair and a slutty aurora.

Stay strong your royal airness. We’re sure this is just one of thousands of ho-bags who wishes you were their boo.