I wish I was holding a Gatorade and making bank

Pinch yourself. It’s real.

The Yankees won’t play in the postseason for the first time since starting their impressive run in 1995. With five games left on New York’s roster — two at Toronto and three at Boston — the organization has decided to forego the duration of the season.

That’s right. Sources say construction will be sped up almost a week to tear down the legendary Yankee Stadium. And with good reason. Why prolong the inevitable?

With the early dismissal, captain Derek Jeter can heal his hand quicker, enabling him to hold Gatorade bottles in more commercials. Alex Rodriguez can get back to man-pimping all over Manhattan and Jason Giambi can make his way down to Miami for his first BangBus appearance.

Though it’s not yet confirmed, it’s been speculated that pitcher Humberto Sanchez will travel with Giambi for obvious porn-related reasons.