If the phrase, “I’m not a player, I just crush a lot,” holds true, then Steve Goodson isn’t just a coach, he just crushes a lot — of bitches.

Cosmopolitan Magazine named Goodson, a University of Minnesota men’s basketball assistant coach, the most eligible bachelor in the entire state of Minnesota.

(Not that beautiful people and Minnesota go hand-in-hand, but regardless, not many people could name a stud assistant coach worthy of representing a state in this great nation.)

“I thought people were playing a joke on me,” Goodson said. “I was a little overwhelmed at first and didn’t know what to think.”

After wasting minutes trying to think of something witty or stereotypical to write about the University of Minnesota — or the entire Midwest tundra region, for that matter — even TSC’s own reader from Minneapolis couldn’t think of anything.

They suck at sports. It’s cold ass weather. Tubby Smith has a funny first name.