Hey Ohio State faithful, we’re fans too. We want our favorite team to beat our rivals just as much as you do. But guess what? We also realize it’s just a damn game!

America is headed into it’s second Great Depression but Buckeye Nation doesn’t care. The Columbus Dispatch polled Ohio State fans and asked if they would be willing to trade a victory over Michigan for a 13,000-point surge in the Dow. Fifty-nine percent said no.

Brutus is going to have to start selling plasma to pay his rent, but have no doubt about it, he’s determined to get that win over the Wolverines.

O-H! I-O (you tons of money because I’m poor)!