And you thought Barack Obama’s push toward bringing the summer Olympics to Chicago was dramatic. Olympic diva Shawn Johnson, who won the last season of Dancing With the Stars, said recently in a TV Guide Channel interview that ballroom dancing should be in the Olympics.

We’re going to take her word that dancing is extremely tough. We can’t do it, so why poke fun at her for it? It’s the same reason we’re not going to make too much fun of Chuck Liddell for participating on the show this season. Well, that and he’d kick our asses for doing it, we’re sure. But to have ballroom dancing in the Olympics?

While we’re at it, why don’t we throw in break dancing, Texas Hold ‘Em and cake baking?

Yes, South America trumped its neighbor to the north, as it was announced today that the 2016 Olympics will be held in Rio de Janeiro, not Chicago, Ill.

But things are still good in the Windy City. After all, they still have the Cubs. … Pfffffff. OK, OK, OK. We couldn’t say that with a straight face.

Michael Phelps wasn’t injured when he got into a car accident late Thursday night, but he was cited by police for driving without a license and failure to establish residency in the state of Maryland.

Well, we totally understand the first part, but failure to establish residency in Maryland? The dude plunked down more than $1.5 million for a new pad. How is that not established?

From ESPN:

Phelps, 24, told police he drank a beer around 7:30 p.m. and left his house about an hour later, according to a police report. The accident occurred around 8:45 p.m., shortly after he left Baltimore’s train station with two passengers, the report said.

The swimming star will be cited for driving without a license and failure to establish residency in Maryland, Guglielmi said. The citation carries no fine, but Phelps will have to appear in court and explain why he did not have a valid license.

Phelps presented officers with a Michigan driver’s license, according to the report, and investigators determined it was invalid after consulting with Michigan authorities. Phelps lived in Michigan between the 2004 and 2008 Olympics and moved back last year to his native Maryland.

No bongs were found in Phelps’ vehicle.

Michael Phelps was involved in a two-vehicle car crash late Thursday night, but he was not injured, according to police.

Phelps was driving a late-model Cadillac Escalade that collided with a Honda Accord, driven by a woman, in an intersection in downtown Baltimore.

Phelps had two passengers in his car with him, but they were not injured. Police who spoke to Phelps said alcohol was not a factor, though they are still investigating to find out if there were any endorsement-killing bongs in the vehicle.

We were clicking through the YouTube Machine when we stumbled upon this video. The caption reads:

Stef totally thought it was Phelps Good old Luigis, is the SVA place to be.

Can you imagine how many bongs Phelps would have had to go through in order to get this crazy in a bar? Our guess is seven.

Watch out, America. The Associated Press has broken news that has been largely unknown until this point: Jamaicans smoke weed. We repeat: Breaking news, Jamaicans smoke weed!

Yeah, all those posters of Bob Marley smoking a fatty that hang on the walls of your dorm room aren’t iconic because of who it is. It is iconic for what it is: A Jamaican smoking a fat joint.

Again, breaking fucking news!

The AP reported today that Olympic douchebag sprinter Usain Bolt tried weed as a kid.

“In Jamaica, you learn as a child how to roll a joint. Everyone here has tried it. I did too — but I was real young then,” Bolt was quoted as saying. “My family and my friends don’t smoke and I don’t hang out any longer with people who smoke.”

B-R-E-A-K-I-N-G N-E-W-S!!!