Held his partner, Sinead Kerr, upside down during their Ice Dance Free Dance during the Eric Bompard Trophy Figure Skating Grand Prix at Bercy arena in Paris on Saturday.
Received public fellatio.
Wished he could get hard to enjoy his fellatio, but it’s just too damn cold.
Said, “peek-a-boo!”
Got his right hand stuck. Where’d it go?

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Watched San Francisco 49ers’ Allen Rossum, left, celebrate with Michael Robinson after Rossum scored on the game-opening kickoff against the Arizona Cardinals yesterday.
Laughed because the Cardinals won 29-24.
Became confused because for a split second, he thought he was watching another Obama celebration.
Found it amusing that he and the 49ers wear the same colored leggings.
Said, “You [...]

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Fell near the wall during his free skate program at the Skate America competition on Saturday in Everett, Wash.
Tried to Steal a Base, Steal a Taco.
Introduced break dancing to figure skating.
Made the woman in the white coat cringe because she knows how it feels to land that hard on your hip.

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Got taken off the field after being injured in the fourth quarter of a 41-7 win against Denver Monday night
Got a slight boner when the team trainer touched his leg
Accepted a challenge to a game of footsies
Farted
Noticed a pimple on the trainer’s face
Got excited because when the cart gets into the tunnel, he’s going to [...]

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Grabbed a rebound against the Boston Celtics in a preseason game Tuesday night
Did his best impression of The Mayor of Whoville
Got electricuted
Received a wedgie from a Celtics player
Whisled while he works, do da do da do doo doo
Welcomed Robin Lopez to the NBA with a Big-Hair Challenge
Got his wisdom teeth pulled
Got the head of [...]

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Lost control of the ball as it is knocked loose by Utah Jazz center Kyrylo Fresenko during the first half of their preseason game Thursday.
Performed a levitation act he learned on the set of Kazaam
Farted
Caught a fish thiiiis big
Practiced new hand motions for his next rap, Kobe, how’s my ballbag taste?
Got tickled on his ribcage [...]

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Jumped on top of wide receiver Manuel Johnson after scoring against Texas on Saturday.
Tried to earfuck Johnson.
Gave birth to gave birth to a 6-foot, 183-pound man with a football helmet on.
Asked Johnson, “Hey, wanna feel what’s gonna happen to our asses at the end of this game?”

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