From the Boise State/TCU game:

• Took a Breathalyzer test. He passed.
• Got wasted because Toby Gerhart didn’t win the Heisman trophy.
• Got questioned by the law as to why it was wearing Kanye stunna shades.
• Failed to stand on one branch, touch its nose and say the alphabet backwards.

• Hugged a student from a school for children of migrant workers at a promotional event during his visit to Beijing, China on Monday.
• Found the WNBA’s version of the next Yao Ming.
• Thought “Once you go Asian, you’ll never lose the sensation.”
• Found a friend for his Nike puppet.
• Thanked God he wasn’t hugging Jordan Crawford.

New York Yankees’ outfielder Johnny Damon missed this hit by Mike Lowell of the Boston Red Sox on Sunday at Fenway Park, but he did make it clear that he’s not just an East Coast lover.

The Terminator is back — as David Beckham.

His mission isn’t to kill Sarah Connor, though. He’s just trying to sell some shit in a new ad.

What is the product? Your guess is as good as ours.

Our thoughts:

• A magnifying glass for glowing-red glass eyes
• Heartburn medicine
• Skin shining ointment
• Herpes cream

Juuuuuust kidding. It’s for Motorola phones. Hasta la viesta, ba—hello? Hello? Damn! Another dropped call.

• Playfully swung his kid around last Thursday.
• Became a bully, demanding his son empty his pockets of all his lunch money.
• Practiced technique No. 38 of Michael Jackson’s new book, “Hang Your Babies Out To Dry.”
• Took the “feet only” rule of soccer a little too far.
• Used John Deere’s newest lawn mower — look how short that grass is!