ASU Sucks t-shirt: click here.

• Lost the Arizona Cardinals starting quarterback spot to Kurt Warner.
• Lost the Arizona Cardinals starting quarterback spot to someone old enough to be his Uncle.
• Realized he would probably even lose the Arizona Cardinals starting quarterback spot to these little kids.
• Debuted the ‘Dangerous Elbow’ move that would put him on Dateline NBC with Chris Hansen.
• Determined not to fuck up anymore than he already has professionally.
• Made us think he should probably not be around any underage children (see: ASU coeds).
• Made children who wanted to see a non-Joke Show NFL player unhappy.
• Smelled bacon.

Barry Bonds is a walking oxymoron.

The all-time MLB home run king graduated from Arizona State with a degree in criminology, and 22 years later, his legend is marked with an asterisk for being a criminal and illegally taking steroids, allegedly.

And even though he’s a season removed from playing in the Big Leagues and is an unofficial free agent — as well as a No. 1 seed and Final Four contestant in our “Who’s Not Now?” Tournament — Bonds said he still has a passion for the game and would love to get back into baseball. As a college baseball coach.

Several former MLB stars have gone on to coach college baseball, including Hall-of-Famer Tony Gwynn. But in Gwynn’s case, he was a legend who continued to be larger than life — literally and figuratively – in the town that he played in. The Giants will never likely have a statue for Bonds nor be named after a street or ball park.

Read more…

Amidst the disturbing recent news that the Pac-10 Poon has not updated its site since March, we’d like to thank Hotdog & Friends for picking up the baton.

They kicked off the weekend — and countdown til Aug 30, the much, much, much anticipated start to college football season — with a Pac-10 preseason poll that ranks schools based on their respective women studying at each fine educational institution. Quite accurately, the list goes ASU, U of A, USC, Oregon and UCLA in the top-5, followed by a talent gap wider than Michael Strahan’s two front teeth.

(Noteworthy: Yes, No. 8-ranked Cal may have the hottest pole vaulter in America, but there’s no “pole” in “team.”)

Oh what a national champion can get away with these days . . .

Your NCAA indoor track national champions are apparently livin’ up the champagne, and can do no wrong in Tempe.

And with the women’s hardware comes the men’s hard-on in this edition of our regular feature, “Better Know An Athlete.”

As pictured, courtesy of TheDirty.com, the Sun Devils basketball team approves of the no-pants rule that ASU women’s track stars abide by.

James Harden (back row, right) approves, too.

(I guess the track team didn’t learn from the cheerleading squad’s mishap, also courtesy of TheDirty).

“Hey! That’s not a baton!”

[ratings]

The Princeton Review released its list of top party schools today, proving once again its writers have absolutely no idea what really goes on at schools.

Why They Suck:

• First off, how anyone can gauge a meter of “bigger” party school than others is absurd. Obviously, the bigger schools have bigger parties; that’s just standard math. Jokeshow schools like Montana State Junior Bumfuck College shouldn’t even be considered.
• And neither should any non-warm weather Sun Belt school inside the top-10, with the exception of Wisconsin.
• With that said, what in God’s name is Randolph-Macon College doing ranked SIXTH!?!?! And the University of New Hampshire at ELEVENTH!? It goes without saying those schools could never compare to Wisconsin, Ohio State, Michigan, UCLA, San Diego State and Arizona — but oh yeah, those six renowned schools were left off the list.

What am I going to do about it? Based on our biased personal and business experiences, here’s The Sports Culture’s Top 20 Party Schools nationwide:

Read more…