Heavily-favored bidder Anonymous won another auction for charity this afternoon. This time, defying Earth’s modern day atmosphere, he received a suit that has been wet for over a week.

Such never-dry technology has yet to reached the budget of your common middle-class mankind. It netted $55,000 for The Shamrock Foundation, the assumed laboratory of never-dry technology.

The experiment, which took place before a basketball game interrupted things, went down as the first controlled indoors Gatorade-dumping record in modern day sports history.

With that much money, why wouldn’t Anonymous spend about 12 hours with her.

1986.

Lil Wayne was six years old the last time Boston won an NBA Finals Championship. YouTube was negative 19 years old. Gas was 4,207 percent less expensive. I wasn’t even born. (But I bet Don Imus was still a douchebag.)

As I digress, let’s relish our new era of technology and remixes on the YouTube machine. Who’s got more game: Weezy’s Lollipop remix or the Poppin’ Bottles remix? Here’s to banner No. 17:

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BOSTON — In its sixth parade since 2001, Boston finally hosted a victory lap without the previously accustomed miserable February afternoon or dreary October skies from Patriots and Red Sox rolling rallies. None of that — just 75 degrees and enough sunshine to give Brian “Albino” Scalabrini a second-degree sunburn. (Wait… Actually, I didn’t even see him. Can we confirm this?)

But with the hot weather came one of the most unexpected subplots in today’s Boston Celtics NBA Championship victory parade — the emergence of… even hotter women in New England.

Just absolute smoke shows this afternoon, by far the sexiest New England sports fans I’ve ever seen. Sure, typically using the term “New England’s sexiest sports fans” would fare no better than “Northern Canada’s sexiest hairdressers,” but this afternoon was different. Seemed like all the pretty Lakers fans from southern California switched allegiances — we’ve seen this before; why not go both ways? Regardless, it was a huge delightful surprise to the rest of us after spending the past five parades — tough life, I know — in Northface winter parkas. (Side note: At the Patriots’ 2004 parade, I did see a pair of nicely plush pair of tits. Her husband started the “show us your tits” chant).

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Editor’s Note: The Sports Culture will be blogging live from Boston tomorrow afternoon for the Celtics victory parade. I just keep telling myself: It’s five o’clock somewhere.

Close doesn’t count, only in horseshoes, hand granades and guessing parade routes. TitleTown will host its sixth parade in seven years Thursday at 11 a.m., after nearly plagiarizing TSC’s Mock Parade Route 4.0.

And unlike TSC’s recent discovery of Bad Stuff Always Happens at 3 a.m., I have a feeling that our “Good Stuff Always Happens at 11 a.m.” hypothesis should go through the scientific formula. After all, any hour that includes a whole 6o seconds to make a wish (11:11) should instantly pull mad props to a Goodness Hour.

Regardless, here’s the parade route and information.

According to NBC Sports’ Buzzer Beater, which was filmed way before the Celtics won it all, Boston’s success throughout the playoffs was all a conspiracy. The hosts of the show, Matt Stroup — who looks like he’s 12 — and Tiffany Simons — who is surely to give Matt Stroup funny feelings in his pants — laid out four reasons as to why Boston had the advantage over Los Angeles.

1. Create a diversion using the Celtics Dancers.

It’s hard to tell whether Boston really has the advantage here, as we discussed with our Celtics Dancers/Laker Girls Scouting Report. Some say the Laker Girls are sexier and more distracting. Others say that a booty shaker clad in green causes more cases of A-D-D. It’s really a toss up. The winner of this diversion could go either way. Kinda like Tila Tequila.

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Kevin Garnett earned respect and popularity by displaying his signature emotion with on-court chest pounds and vocal motivation. It’s the type of intensity Boston lacked since its glory days in the ’80s — such success that Garnett irked his entire career to achieve, and literally hung over his head at the New Garden.

Tonight, KG uncorked years of frustration in an emotionally-charged immediate post-game reaction. While many of today’s modern-day on-court celebration interviews fail to capture the true excitement of a championship, ESPN painted the perfect picture with KG.

Simply put: Raw tears of joy. Innocent feel-good emotions. The beauty of live television. By far, the most passionate in history.

And here’s your first Celtics tribute:

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