Obviously not — they’re just really, really good. But as the Olympics kick off in Beijing today, it’s something to ponder, not only about the hoopers, but regarding all Olympic athletes with more ink splurged around than a messy, ugly printer paper jam.

A new study shows that some dopers may be drugging up through tattoo needles, giving athletes some art and bulk at the same time. Tat needles “increase the effect of drugs, meaning athletes can take smaller doses and ‘fly under the radar’ in dope tests.”

Interestingly enough, the man pictured below should have broken a few Olympic world records in multiple events. Pre-Olympic drug testing, however, found that he was on loads of steroids. And in four years, he’ll be really screwed:

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With the NBA Draft just days away, we can pretty much predict the first five-to-10 players to be chosen in the first round. It’s a little bit tougher to determine what kind of endorsement deals the top players will get, but shoe contracts will surely be signed and the biggest restaurant chains will get new spokesmen.

Then there will be the guys who get paid to endorse the products that you can only scratch your head and wonder, “Why on earth is he sponsored by this company?” It’s happened before and you know it’s going to happen again. Hopefully, for the sake of the athlete’s dignity, they don’t end up endorsing products like these:

We know now that Raph was shootin’ the juice, but did he really need help, you know, shootin’ the juice? A sponsership with a major company like Viagra will put bones in your pocket — in more than one way — but this is the most degrading product you could endorse. It shows that you’re washed up and you just don’t have it anymore.

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I’m getting a drift that people are sick of the NBA. So let’s span the globe for other PM delights.

• Harsh words over the airwaves: “We’ve done our homework on guys like Adam Dunn and there’s a reason why we don’t want Adam Dunn.” (National Post).
• Derek Jeter, most overrated player, according to new SI poll? (NY Daily News)
• That’s Kinda Fucked Up: Flip Saunders on a Wheaties box (Cuzoogle.com)
• SI assembles a cute list of the toughest things to do in sports. Funny thing is, “shutting down Kobe” is second on the list. Paul Pierce defies SI. (SI.com)
• As a college student at a big-time sports school, I’m always intrigued by other schools’ methods of student sections and student ticket distribution. Penn State’s might be the worst I’ve ever heard. (Daily Collegian)
• Must See: As if the beer belly wasn’t cool enough… how about… the WINE RACK!!! (Beer Belly Cooler)

BOSTON — In its sixth parade since 2001, Boston finally hosted a victory lap without the previously accustomed miserable February afternoon or dreary October skies from Patriots and Red Sox rolling rallies. None of that — just 75 degrees and enough sunshine to give Brian “Albino” Scalabrini a second-degree sunburn. (Wait… Actually, I didn’t even see him. Can we confirm this?)

But with the hot weather came one of the most unexpected subplots in today’s Boston Celtics NBA Championship victory parade — the emergence of… even hotter women in New England.

Just absolute smoke shows this afternoon, by far the sexiest New England sports fans I’ve ever seen. Sure, typically using the term “New England’s sexiest sports fans” would fare no better than “Northern Canada’s sexiest hairdressers,” but this afternoon was different. Seemed like all the pretty Lakers fans from southern California switched allegiances — we’ve seen this before; why not go both ways? Regardless, it was a huge delightful surprise to the rest of us after spending the past five parades — tough life, I know — in Northface winter parkas. (Side note: At the Patriots’ 2004 parade, I did see a pair of nicely plush pair of tits. Her husband started the “show us your tits” chant).

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According to NBC Sports’ Buzzer Beater, which was filmed way before the Celtics won it all, Boston’s success throughout the playoffs was all a conspiracy. The hosts of the show, Matt Stroup — who looks like he’s 12 — and Tiffany Simons — who is surely to give Matt Stroup funny feelings in his pants — laid out four reasons as to why Boston had the advantage over Los Angeles.

1. Create a diversion using the Celtics Dancers.

It’s hard to tell whether Boston really has the advantage here, as we discussed with our Celtics Dancers/Laker Girls Scouting Report. Some say the Laker Girls are sexier and more distracting. Others say that a booty shaker clad in green causes more cases of A-D-D. It’s really a toss up. The winner of this diversion could go either way. Kinda like Tila Tequila.

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