I sucked at baseball, I suck at acting and now I'm going to be sucking Michael Vick.

How sad is the world we live in? You know you’re way past your prime in the game of life when you revert to killing your girlfriend’s cat because you’re jealous of it.

That’s right, a prosecutor said Monday that Joseph Petcka, who pitched in the New York Mets’ minor league system in 1992, was a “washed-up, never-made-it-to-the-big-leagues athlete” and a “D-minus” actor.

Don’t take our word for it. That’s what prosecutor Leila Kermani told jurors during her closing argument in Petcka’s aggravated animal cruelty trial.

A pussy killing a pussy. As Charles Barkley would say, that’s just turr-ble.

But wait. Let’s back up a minute. Just why did this has been hurler kill the pet? He complained his girlfriend at the time loved the cat more than she loved him. And well, could you blame her? She’s a Sports Illustrated writer and according to her, he’s a drunk.

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Quick flashback to 1998:

• Google looked really, really goofy. And so did CNN.
• Small trading cards were worth hundreds of dollars, just because of a holographic glow.
• AOL all but trademarked that deathly dial-up ring.
• Pre-teen instant messengers caught onto the LOL / LMAO / WTF / ROTFL / BRB craze.

Quick reflection on 2008:

• AOL is all but dead
• Joe Torre has finally caught onto the LOL / LMAO / WTF / ROTFL / BRB craze:

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Shaq must have anticipated that his rap would bring The Valley of the Sun a new cultural phenomenon — of all ages. (Like he gives a shit)

Now, who better to hit the youth market than the newly drafted and fun-loving Robin Lopez? Let’s get the kids excited in the U.S. Airways Center; maybe put this on the jumbotron, but include Lopez in the background with his ogre voice:

Better alert Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio to take away these badges. via Deadspin

The NBA was brilliant in coming up with these type of advertisements: Videos where two opponents are split down the middle, look you in the eye and rattle off a motivating monologue that pumps you up more than the Rocky soundtrack.

Then they asked Magic Johnson and Larry Bird to do it, and well, it just wasn’t the same. As the two legends were telling me how rivalries remain and the feelings remain the same, I couldn’t help but wonder how many takes it took each man to complete the 24-second ad. Bird’s droopy eye had me feeling like he would pass our any moment.

And as much as I make fun of these two, I have to bow down to both of them for being so great in their respective careers. It also made me think about the top old guys in sports right now.

Without further ado, another TSC countdown: The Top 5 Old Guys in Sports Read more…