According to NBC Sports’ Buzzer Beater, which was filmed way before the Celtics won it all, Boston’s success throughout the playoffs was all a conspiracy. The hosts of the show, Matt Stroup — who looks like he’s 12 — and Tiffany Simons — who is surely to give Matt Stroup funny feelings in his pants — laid out four reasons as to why Boston had the advantage over Los Angeles.

1. Create a diversion using the Celtics Dancers.

It’s hard to tell whether Boston really has the advantage here, as we discussed with our Celtics Dancers/Laker Girls Scouting Report. Some say the Laker Girls are sexier and more distracting. Others say that a booty shaker clad in green causes more cases of A-D-D. It’s really a toss up. The winner of this diversion could go either way. Kinda like Tila Tequila.

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A mere hours after ripping the Lakers’ bench for its funeral-esque excitement level during the Finals, modern day video technology has discovered Ronny Turiaf’s lone attempt at mimicking the liveliness of the Celtics’ bench.

As shown on the YouTube machine, Turiaf throws a towel to an assistant on the baseline as Pierce releases his second free throw shot. (He used the first shot as a practice swing). Only if Pierce had the peripheral vision of a pigeon, then maybe Turiaf’s Towel-Trusting technique would have worked at the professional level. But for now, scientific research shows that Towel-Trusting’s greatest distraction effectiveness peaks at the 4th- and 5th-grade city youth basketball level.

Wait a second…. literally throwing in the white towel? Celtics in 6.

Instant analysis: Game 5

The Celtics’ “Point Guard by Committee” approach failed. Not even an And-1 Mixtape Tour could successfully platoon between four different players to run an offense. It just can’t.

And in honor of Doc’s point guard potpourri, here are my scattered thoughts on Game 5:

-THUMBS UP: The Celtics bench. No, no; not the 28 combined points, but the hollering, yelling and attempts at distracting Derek Fisher while he took wide open three pointers from the corner. (How can that not be a technical, when a few magic words incites an automatic “T”?) Regardless, their intensity remains unmatched — always standing and rowdy like a high school baseball third base coach — compared to the lifeless, deadbeat Lakers bench. At one point, it looked like James Posey reached his hands out for a block from the bench. But hey, if they’re not going to call Kobe’s reach on the Paul Pierce game-clinching steal, then why not be consistent?

-THUMBS UP SOMEONE ELSE’S ANUS (yeah that’s weird, but this is, too): The strangest halftime heart-warming one-on-one with Bill and Luke Walton. It just felt like that cheesy children show on PBS, reaching a moral after the way-too-obvious punchline question. In this case, Young Walton struck the mood by asking Daddy, “But you picked BOSTON??” William replied with the assurance “professional pick” line, then dropping a teary-eyed, obligatory, “but I love you so much, son” over-dramatized moment.

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The NBA was brilliant in coming up with these type of advertisements: Videos where two opponents are split down the middle, look you in the eye and rattle off a motivating monologue that pumps you up more than the Rocky soundtrack.

Then they asked Magic Johnson and Larry Bird to do it, and well, it just wasn’t the same. As the two legends were telling me how rivalries remain and the feelings remain the same, I couldn’t help but wonder how many takes it took each man to complete the 24-second ad. Bird’s droopy eye had me feeling like he would pass our any moment.

And as much as I make fun of these two, I have to bow down to both of them for being so great in their respective careers. It also made me think about the top old guys in sports right now.

Without further ado, another TSC countdown: The Top 5 Old Guys in Sports Read more…

Tim Donaghy is the cat that swore he didn’t eat the pet bird, but he’s got feathers coming out of his mouth. And what does he do to counteract? He blames the dog.

The former NBA referee alleged that Game 6 of the Lakers-Kings playoff series in 2002 was impacted by the disgusting actions of two of the three zebras who worked the game, according to a filing made by Donaghy’s lawyer in U.S. District Court in New York yesterday.

You got caught for gambling on the game, Donaghy. Take your fines and your prison sentencing like a damn man and quit pointing your gambling fingers.

The NBA’s commissioner, David Stern is in an uproar, and for good reason. He “vehemently denied the allegations, saying they are the desperate act of a convicted felon,” according to Chris Sheridan of ESPN.com. “We welcome scrutiny here. This is something that should be scrutinized.”

This season was going great. No more gambling refs, a Superman cameo at the NBA All-Star game and a Finals between the most historical rivalry in the sport.

It was like the Hollywood masterpiece that somehow made it through the writers’ strike.

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Quick post game reaction:

Obviously, the Boston Celtics shit out bricks tonight. Make all the star-studded-Hollywood bright-light-blinding clichés you want. Speculate that Pierce and Co. threw a premature victory party, running ramped through the streets of Inglewood. Do whatever justifies the frustration watching two different Celtics teams, a tale of two coasts. But what Game 3 came down to was a few questionable Doc Rivers moments, when a still-salvageable game was on the line.

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