Phelps probably wants her

For those of you who felt a little less manly when watching the women’s swimming events at the Olympics — it’s okay, most of them could probably kill you in an arm wrestling match.

Then there’s Stephanie Rice. She’s the Alicia Sacramone of the pool.

Rice, an Audtrailian, received her first-ever Olympic medal in Beijing, placing first in the 400m individual medley.

Would you beat?

[ratings]

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E-MAIL: Hey Sports Culture, do you think Jay Leno is real or fake scissor gang mafia? He seems to me like he’s old n wise enough to be but we know how he likes to joke around. Mike Phelps, though, that’s the tough question.

- Jake, Chicago

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Thanks for the tip Jake. We’re thinking that Jay’s not part of the SGM at all. He’s in Hollywood; it’s all part of the act. 

The Man-God-Fish, on the other hand, he’s the one to watch out for. We’ve seen his scissor kick under water. His scissor skills may be much more lethal out in the open.

On another note: He wore that to The Tonight Show? We’re not the fashion police but you’ve go a) know you’re going to be seen by millions and millions of people and b) know where the lights are.

Seriously. This is an ensemble you wear to a ninth-grade study session when it’s sprinkling outside. You just won millions of bucks. If you’re not going to fix your teeth, at least buy yourself a suit.

Hunter's got his mind on the 2012 London Games. Watch out Phelps!

Torii Hunter put on goggles, got on the clubhouse floor and began doing the butterfly and backstroke in a puddle of beer and champagne.

Hunter and the Los Angeles Angels had plenty to celebrate Wednesday. They became the first team in the majors to clinch a playoff spot this season by winning their fourth AL West title in five years.

“I love it. I’m Michael Phelps,” Hunter bellowed, invoking the Olympic swimmer who won eight gold medals in Beijing. “This is what it’s all about.”

Now if you’re going to praise the total amazingness that is Michael Phelps, that’s one thing. He did something in the Beijing Games that no one else has done in history. If you’re going to claim that you yourself are Michael Phelps, you better be able to back up the fact that you’re pretty fucking awesome.

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Stick to swimming and quit scaring the children, Phelpsey imposter.

It’s not like your grandmother was hovering over the wall looking down on Michael Phelps and Milorad Cavic with a stopwatch. The swimmers have to push a touchpad. So why was there any controversy at all when Phelps beat Milorad by 1/100th of a second in last week’s 100-meter butterfly?

The official timekeeper, Omega, released a digital photo sequence of the finish, showing just as much as we saw on TiVo. The explanation, however, is key to understanding why the American Man-God-Fish won the race.

It requires 3 kilograms (6.6 pounds) of pressure to activate the touchpad. ”Any less and waves would set it off,” (Silvio) Chianese said. “You can’t just put your fingertips on the pad, you really have to push it. We explained all this directly after the race to (Cavic) and his coach.”

Just accept it already, Cavic. It’s like you were outputted by Tiger Woods, you were dunked on by Michael Jordan. You were, in reality, out-swam by Michael Phelps, the greatest Olympian ever. No shame in that.