The media is clever.

They has us all thinking Tiger Woods was taking a sabbatical from golf until January to get surgery done on his knee. But TSC has learned the truth: Earth’s god of golf is actually in a coma-like state of mind.

Tiger’s “dormant state,” as doctors have begun calling it, is the result of a poisonous Granny Smith apple Tiger ate on the 16th tee during the playoff round between him and Rocky Mediate at the 108th U.S. Open.

After falling behind to Mediate at the 16th, Tiger went for the apple, which an accomplis of Mediate had earlier tainted with an unknown poison. After devouring most of the apple, Tiger is said to have thrown the core in frustration. Then he sent the round to sudden death: exactly what the Mediate clan had hopped for.

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You can be Urkel or you can be Juliet’s Romeo. You can be LeBron or you can be Poindexter. You can ace your tests or you can party late. You can rock white Ts or Lacoste Polos.

Or you can do all of the above. That would make you a Nerdy McFly.

Nerdy McFly? Isn’t that some sort of comic book?

No, it’s an ideology all about balance. You can be smart and you can be cool at the same time. If you’re laughing, it’s because you’re not a Nerdy McFly yet. You don’t understand.

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The pain finally caught up to Tiger Woods.

Just two days after he beat Rocco Mediate in a U.S. Open playoff Monday, it was announced that Tiger Woods will miss the remainder of the season to undergo surgery on his ACL while also rehabbing a double stress fracture on his left tibia.

This comes two months after he had surgery to clean out cartilage in his left knee and two weeks after he suffered a double stress fracture on his left tibia.

With Woods likely out of competitive golf until January 2009, what will he do to occupy his time?

So glad you asked. Here are TSC’s suggestions:

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