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Posts Tagged ‘Soccer’

Witchcraft and foreign soccer: Don’t put in blender

September 15th, 2008 Reezy No comments
Congo Nation! Oww oww owwwwwww!

Congo Nation! Oww oww owwwwwww!

Athletes go to extraordinary measures to ensure a win, whether it’s spending that extra time in the weight room, grabbing the syringe to inject juice into the buttox, or even wearing the timeless rally cap.

Some are so confident that they even make guarantees (hey, Anthony Smith!). But in the creativity department, the country of Congo has everyone beat.

During one of those soccer matches that foreigners love, a player actually attempted to use witchcraft to win à la Salem, Mass., circa 1692.

Nyuki club was losing to local rivals Socozaki on Sunday when Nyuki’s goalkeeper advanced up the field and tried to use “fetishist” spells to turn the tide of the match, Okapi said, without giving more details.

When a police commander tried to break up an ensuing brawl between rival players, members of the crowd pelted him with rocks, the radio added.

End result? At least 11 were killed in the ensuing riot.

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Categories: Dumbass Tags: ,

The pretty soccer girls choose Fresno State

September 11th, 2008 Reezy 4 comments
The pride of Fresno State

The pride of Fresno State

Arizona’s got those cute softball players, Cal’s got that smoke show pole vaulter, and now, Fresno State (who?) has soccer’s golden girl?

Bulldog Nation, please welcome the new face of your university: Molly Nizzoli.

She’s just a quiet 17-year-old freshman looking to make a big impact. Aren’t we all?

“If I could change one thing about myself it would be to be less shy when first talking to someone,” Nizzoli said.

Her 18th birthday is Monday, so we’re keeping the five-star ratings and Would You Beat status off for a reason.

Today’s story also says that Fresno ‘Fasho State (who?) was her first choice (why?).

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Hope Solo: Would you beat?

September 4th, 2008 Reezy 1 comment
Hope Solo, name of a sexy woman, not a gourmet restaurant

Hope Solo, name of a sexy woman, not a gourmet restaurant

People say to be careful of people with two first names, such as Michael Scott or Andruw Jones. But what about those people with names that are composed by Verb + Noun?

Certainly, USA soccer goalie Hope Solo fits into that genre. But also certain, she fits into our Would You Beat series of women in sports.

The 27-year-old Solo — coincidentally the brand name of the world’s best red cups — stirred the airwaves in 2007 when publically bashing her coach for benching her a la high school parents on anonomous town message boards.

So with the excess attitude and feistiness, would you still beat?

[ratings]

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David Beckham can’t do this with a soccer ball

August 12th, 2008 Trance 1 comment

Lingerie. Busty babes. And soccer. Need we say more? Sincerely, The Samsung Viral Video Marketing Department.

Would you beat?

[ratings]

[Via BrightBlackInternet]

The Pac-10 should hire this referee, if not already employed

July 9th, 2008 Reezy No comments

Despite how questionable you feel a referee is, The Guys Who Make The Calls always appear to be the sharpest and most attentive workers on courts and fields — with the exclusion of the Pacific 10 Conference, the NBA and now, Belarus.

Appears that referee Sergei Shmolik drank so much that he rode the mechanical bull before a soccer match in Belarus. Due to back pain, Shmolik was helped off the field — drunk.

In TV footage shown Wednesday on Russian television, Shmolik staggered as he was helped off the field at the end of Saturday’s match.

Personally, because soccer doesn’t really do it for me — you know, like that borderline 6.0 chick even with the beer goggles — I’d have to agree with this ref’s measures. Common now… Belarus? I couldn’t tell you the hemisphere, nevermind the contident that Belarus resides on.

Uh-Osama! Newcastle United to be purchased by terrorist’s family

July 8th, 2008 Trance No comments

Newcastle United owner Mike Ashley is just about ready to sell his team for $600 million, UPI reports. The potential buyers are pretty infamous in the Middle East. They are the bin Ladens.

As in, Osama bin Laden, the leader of al-Qaida who is either dead or currently still hiding like a pansy. The very wealthy family, the distant relatives of the man behind 9/11, could be the full owners of this soccer club. And you’ve got to think, if Osama is was a terrorist, don’t you think his family has something to do terrorism, too?

It’s not always the case, but if papa is a billionaire shoes salesman, you’re probably going to get into the shoe-selling business as well.

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