Europe's newest 19 year old just got a whole lot richer

Brandon Jennings wanted to sign an endorsement deal with Under Armour.

Then two months later — to the day, even — Under Armour officially announced that the hoops star finally figured out how to compose a signature — something that probably would’ve boosted his SAT scores.

But you know what? That’s not the news. Nope, not even close.

The real news here is that Jennings will write a blog for Under Armour’s Web site. You read that correctly. He will write a blog. The kid who couldn’t scholastically qualify to play Division I basketball will write a blog.

It’s undoubtedly a huge blow to the sports blogging community that takes pride in its witty snark. Whereas now, our superior level of eloquent writing will include lines like: “Yoooo I been ballin’ up dis little italian dude… but itz all good feel me cuz me makes legit pasta son.”

Just let that one simmer.

I woke up this morning by a buzzing cell phone located somewhere among 50 red cups. The text message, from my father, read “70-0? Is that for real?” It was for real, quite possibly one of the most lopsided scores in college football over the weekend.

And you thought a 64-minute rain delay in the fucking desert was strange. Last night, the Arizona Wildcats shoved a cactus up Idaho’s ass 70 times. Seventy. As in, the score was 70-0.

Youdaho took care of hanging up the zeroes. Now obviously, week one games of the college football season are always lopsided. You’ve got perenial powerhouse teams like USC playing South Northeast Wyoming State Community Junior Bumfuck College.

And with those slaughterings comes the most underrated job in sports journalism: losing coach interviewer:

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The last thought that comes to mind when you think hockey: Arizona. And the last thought that comes to mind when you think Hall-of-Fame play-by-play calls: hockey.

Nevertheless, both came together on one special night in Tucson, Ariz. And thanks to the YouTube machine, I can relive the all-time greatest hockey call at leisure.

A great friend and former colleague of mine, Fitz, called his first ever play-by-play at a historic Arizona-ASU club hockey game. Step aside, Al Michaels, because Fitz can eloquently capture miracles on ice, too. (Or at least, for the first 1:40 of highlights)

“ON THE POWER PLAYYYYY!!!!!”